


you find yourself at my door (you wear your best apologies)

by prouveyrac



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Apologies, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, logan has some things he needs to say to roman, post new video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-18 20:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Logan didn’t think he would see the day when Virgil and Patton, the sides he always thought of as the physical embodiment of “over-thinking” and “over-caring”, would be the ones to lead him lost in a direction that he needed to be headed in, but there was a first time for anything.





	you find yourself at my door (you wear your best apologies)

**Author's Note:**

> funny how my inspiriation and motivation for writing suddenly returns after a new video is posted
> 
> also thank you to taylor swift for having lyrics that are great for fic titles
> 
> (the song is "the last time")

Logan—Logic, the side geared towards finding a solution towards every problem, the side meant to have every single thing planned down to the final second—found himself stood on the other side of Roman’s door, his fist raised, lost and unable to knock. If his mind wasn’t so tangled, he would laugh; just imagine it, Logic, listening to Anxiety, admitting he was lost. It was quite a laughable situation.  _ Would  _ be laughable, if Logan wasn’t beginning to see the reasoning behind Virgil’s words.

_ “You’re lost. It’s okay.” _ Logan huffed with a shake of his head. What a… what a preposterous thing to say. In what situation was it okay to be lost? Lost meant wandering in directions untravelled, unknown. Lost meant not succeeding in meeting a goal. Lost meant wasting time that could be used for something else. Lost meant...

Lost meant standing at Roman’s door, and not knowing why.

Lost meant feeling— _ Feeling? Yes, that had to be what this was. Feeling _ —like he had to be at Roman’s door, and yet not knowing why.

Logan huffed out a humorless laugh. Maybe Patton’s genius struck again; maybe Logan didn’t know why he didn’t know why he was at Roman’s door. Maybe that question was the answer, and the answer to that question was the solution.

Logan didn’t think he would see the day when Virgil and Patton, the sides he always thought of as the physical embodiment of “over-thinking” and “over-caring”, would be the ones to lead him lost in a direction that he needed to be headed in, but there was a first time for anything.

And perhaps, Logan thought as he worried his bottom lip, they had always been there to give answers. Logan had even said it himself: Virgil was just as needed as any of the others were, and Patton was as consequential as any of them.

Perhaps “over-thinking” and “over-caring” were only subjective terms applied by the one who couldn’t see well enough what was in front of him.

_ “I’m the most important side here.” _ And yet wasn’t the matter of importance subjective?

_ “I’m not a joke!” _ And yet great minds have fallen into foolishness, often times by their own hand.

Logan took a deep breath and released it. His one hand was still raised in a fist, posed to knock on Roman’s door, and his shoulder was beginning to hurt.

He should just come back later. Or the following day. Or not at all. It was foolish to go into a situation with nothing planned to say. And this was _ Roman _ , and they were going to be talking in  _ Roman’s room _ ; Logan really shouldn’t go in with nothing planned. If he needed a plan on how to handle a general day, he needed ten plans to handle Roman’s room.

Logan found it needless to say that logic and creativity did not mix well.

Especially… especially after the day’s events.

_ “It’s so hard to create anything that I’m proud of when it’s critiqued so harshly by you.” _

Logan swallowed thickly. For so long, he berated Roman for the work that he didn’t put out, and the work that he  _ did _ , and yet… Logan himself had been at the center of it.

He told Roman he would try to be softer with his critiques, but was that even enough? What else could make up for the setbacks he had put on the other sides? For the insecurities, the fights, the shouting and the harsh words and the animosity and the… and the everything?

Logan drew back his hand. This wouldn’t do. He needed to think. He needed to write down what he needed to say. While Logan wasn’t one to doubt his voice, he couldn’t deny that words on paper sounded so much better. And, besides, now that he knew Roman had his  _ own  _ index cards, he was sure he wouldn’t be judged- and yet, Roman might want to, per se, “get back” at Logan- but perhaps he wanted to be serious and- but maybe-

Roman’s door opened.

Roman, out of his princely wear and in only a sweatshirt and loose pants, blinked at him. Logan, still in his outfit from before, blinked back.

“Oh, uh, hey, Specs,” Roman said, his eyes flicking from Logan to behind him. He scratched the back of his neck. 

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his tie.

“Oh, hello, Roman,” he said, forcing his voice to stay neutral. “Excuse me, I must have gone to the wrong door, I should be-”

“How long were you standing there?”

Roman’s question, it wasn’t defensive or accusatory. He wasn’t angry that Logan was at his door, nor was he ready to mock Logan for being there in the first place.

His question was just that: a question.

A question that Logan didn’t have an answer to. Didn’t know that he didn’t have the answer. 

Really, it was all starting to become very confusing. He could feel a headache coming on.

“How did you know I was standing here?”

The corner of Roman’s mouth quirked up in a smile, though it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I thought I heard someone walk over,” he said. “No one knocked, but it didn’t sound like anyone walked away.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I have only been standing here for a few minutes.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

Roman scratched the back of his neck (again). Logan adjusted his tie (again).

“Well, uh, did you need something?” Roman asked. He shoved his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt. Logan noted that that was a very “Virgil” fidget. “I was about to head to the Commons so…”

“Oh, uh, yes,” Logan fumbled, mentally kicking himself. Perhaps he actually  _ did  _ mentally kick himself, for it felt like his headache got worse. “I came here because… well, I think I need to…”

“Talk?” Roman finished with a raised eyebrow.

Talk? Yes, perhaps talk. Perhaps that was why Logan was at Roman’s door. If that wasn’t the true answer, then Logan could at least use this as one until he found it.

“Yes, that.” Logan nodded. “I… I was not feeling particularly…  _ satisfied _ with how things were left off.”

Roman smirked. “Well, you’re not a robot anymore. Guess that worked out.”

Logan let out a humorless laugh. “Yes, that was quite inconvenient,” he said.

Roman watched him. Logan arched an eyebrow. “So, Logan, you wanted to talk?”

Oh, yes. Talking. That. 

Logan, objectively, was quite terrible at this.

Maybe it was his headache speaking and something unpleasant twisting in his gut, but he felt like he was quite terrible at talking in general.

No. That had to be a cognitive distortion. Logan was very skilled in speaking. He was  _ Logic _ , of course he was skilled in speaking.

And talking… talking was just speaking.

He could speak to Roman, therefore, he could talk to Roman.

“Yes, I came here to talk,” Logan said.

Roman stepped aside. “Well, let’s keep this private then, yes?” he asked, that smirk still on his face. “Virgil and Patton have already dealt with enough of our  _ talking _ , haven’t they?”

Logan didn’t know what it was, but something about Roman’s words pulled something in his chest.

Logan walked into Roman’s room and, looking around, released a deep breath. Typically, Roman’s room hit him like a figurative pile of bricks. The creativity, the dreams and the hopes and the fantasies, it was typically too much for Logan, for Logic. Perhaps Logic and Creativity could learn to work together, but he knew that there were boundaries that needed to be kept.

Tonight, however, the room was softer. The pressure Logan typically felt when he entered Roman’s room was barely there, and the fairy lights he had strung up around his room were dim, leaving a soft, orange glow.

Logan, without even having to apply much thought, believed that, for once, Creativity’s softness wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

And Logan…

Logan had a bigger hand in this than he thought.

“Roman-” Logan began.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Roman interrupted. “You know that, right? I’m sorry.”

Logan faltered; whatever words he had thought to say flew from his mind and, instead, rather stupidly, he gaped at Roman.

“If you’re back here, I guess my apology before wasn’t good enough… along with that heart-to-heart, if you want to put it that way. Listen, I know you said you would work at being, like, not a total jerk about critiquing stuff, but I get it, okay? We all start somewhere, so I get it if you’re still mad or whatever. And I’m sorry, okay?” Roman took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

If Logan heard correctly, he thought he heard a tremble in Roman’s words.

Logan stared.

Whatever Logan had come to Roman’s room for, it wasn’t an apology.

If anything… _ he  _ was the one that needed to…

… Was  _ that  _ what he came here for?

“So, uh, Lo, you gonna say anything or do I need to get on my knees and beg?”

Logan, shocked back into his senses, abruptly shook his head. “No!” he exclaimed before clearing his throat, “ _ No.  _ You don’t- I didn’t come here for an apology, Roman.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “You… didn’t?”

“No, I-”

“If you want to continue a previous fight, I gotta be honest with you, I don’t have the energy for that anymore.”

“I’m not here to fight,” Logan said, holding back an eyeroll. He couldn’t get annoyed at Roman for expecting that. Well, he  _ could _ , but that would only push them into  _ another _ fight.

And Logan definitely knew that he did not come to Roman’s room for a fight.

“Then why are you here?”

“Well, if you’d let me  _ finish _ -” Logan collected himself and softened his tone, “I just want to… talk about what happened before.”

“I think we already did. You know, all four of us. And Thomas. We even sang a song about it.  _ And _ I just poured my heart out to you  _ again _ .”

“Well, yes, you’re right, but…”

“But what?”

“Oh, well, now you’re not letting me finish!”

“Not letting you finish? You’re the one trailing off as if you’re forgetting how to speak!”

“Well, maybe if you actually gave me a moment to collect my thoughts than I would-” Logan cut himself off and, for a moment, the two locked eyes, their glares already igniting. Then, Logan drew in and released a breath, and began again. “I’ve been… thinking for the past couple hours. And I think I’m beginning to see that our hostility towards each other is… detrimental. To the others.” He swallowed, looking at everything but Roman. “And ourselves. And… to you, especially you, Roman.”

When Roman didn’t say anything, and when Logan couldn’t handle the silence any longer, he finally turned to the creative side and saw that Roman was staring at him, mouth slightly agape.

Logan forced himself to continue. Roman must be expecting more than just an acknowledgement.

Roman… Roman must be expecting an apology. An apology that, objectively, was well deserved.

“Creativity has never been my speciality, we are all aware of that,” Logan continued, thankful that his face did not flush at his admittance of a weakness. “Even though logic can be applied to creativity, it is still not nearly as effective as your own doing. And I tried to overcompensate for that. If I couldn’t do the actual creative process, then wanted to control it. I thought that my deadlines and critiques would only push you along, and instead it only hindered all of us. I was incorrect, and didn’t think it would affect you like that and, for that, Roman, I’m s-”

“You don’t think that our fighting affects you?”

Logan, interrupted, faltered. “What?”

“What- what you said. That our fighting hurts the others and us but, especially, me. But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Our fighting changes you, too! Hurts you.”

Logan scoffed. “I don’t see how you’re getting to that-”

“You threw a piece of paper in my eye today.”

Logan blinked. “Oh.”

Perhaps Roman had a point.

Roman weakly smiled. “Yeah.”

Perhaps Roman always had a point.

“Are you hurt?”

Roman huffed out a laugh. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Your arm’s not that good.”

“That’s not what I-” Logan sighed and adjusted his tie again. “I mean… are you hurt? By me? Often? Not just physically, but… in any way? I know what you said with your own creative process but… besides that.”

“Remember this, Specs, because this’ll be the only time that I say this, but enough about me. What about you? Are you-”

“For this conversation to continue,” Logan interrupted, practically pleading, “I need to know. Do I hurt you often, Roman?”

Roman stared at him, silent for a moment, before his shoulders sagged. “Yeah.” His voice was barely over a whisper.

Logan nodded, frowning.

“Let me shoot that back at you, then,” Roman said, looking away. “Do I hurt you?”

Logan opened his mouth, ready to tell Roman that _ of course _ Roman didn’t hurt Logan. Logan was Logic, and Logic didn’t feel. That was just preposterous.

And then Logan shut his mouth because he realized he’d be lying.

Logan and Roman met eyes again. “Yes,” Logan finally answered.

For a moment of silence, Roman and Logan held eyes, and then Roman, breaking it to look around at his room, laughed. It was somewhere on the line between bitter, tired, and actually humored.

“Wow,” Roman breathed, “The two of us… we’re messes, aren’t we?”

Logan, who normally would never think of himself as “a mess,” found himself nodding, “I think so.” 

He swallowed thickly then, looking down at his shoes before back at Roman. 

If Logan was correct, he believed he found his answer for why he went to Roman’s door.

It was what Roman deserved: genuine, no excuses attached, nothing backhanded. Just something that was long awaited.

“However, Roman, you didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”

Roman arched an eyebrow. The suspicion in his eyes was clear, so Logan hoped that his next words were sufficient.

“I am extremely, terribly sorry for everything I have said to you. I am Logic, and for so long I believed that feelings and I had nothing in common, but I was wrong. Logically speaking, I should have, at the very least, had your feelings in mind whenever I critiqued you. I should have known that negative reinforcement was not a tactic that worked for everyone, and it was unfair of me to push you into conforming to my work ethic. For that, I am sorry.”

Roman stared.

And Logan stared back.

And when Logan saw the sudden mistiness of Roman’s eyes, he believed his mind, for lack of better words, “shut down”.

“R-Roman, I-”

“Shit, Lo-” Roman let out a watery laugh as he rubbed the corners of his eyes “-That’s not fair. Your first apology to me is supposed to suck. You can’t just come into my room and use all my creative juices to come up with a  _ good _ first apology.”

“I-I’m sorry, Roman, I- I thought-”

“See! That’s what I mean! Where was the stammering? And the backpedalling and the confusion? You shouldn’t be allowed to be good at something on your first try!”

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Roman, I’m being serious.”

“Yeah, I know!” Roman’s voice softened. He smiled at Logan and his eyes, still slightly red, crinkled at the edges. “I know. Thank you.”

“I know we don’t always get along,” Logan said. “But… know that I appreciate everything you do for us, Roman.”

“Thank you. Again. Same goes for you. You’re a nerd, but you’re  _ our _ nerd. Just as needed and zany as all of us!”

Logan laughed. “I appreciate that, Roman,” he said. “And, despite how eccentric it might be, your creativity and fantasies can be… very relieving in times of high tension. You are not wrong in being our quote-unquote ‘Prince,’ because everyone does need some saving now and again.”

Roman’s face flushed and he blinked at Logan. “You have another one of my index cards, don’t you?”

“I don’t know where they keep coming from but I have found seven in my room that are definitely not mine.”

Roman laughed. “Well, now I’ll just have to come to your room to get them.”

“They really are quite… different.”

“You’re one to talk, Teach.” 

Logan smiled. “I’ll make sure to return them to you, Roman.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Roman replied. Then, shyly, he offered out his hand to Logan. “Truce? For the next day, at least?”

Logan nodded and shook Roman’s hand. “Truce for the next twenty-four hours,” he said. “Then, when twenty-four hours are up, I’ll come back for another truce.”

“Twenty-four hours exactly?”

“Down to the second.”

“If you come back here in twenty-four hours and two seconds, then, I will be opening the door armed with my sword.”

“I wouldn’t expect it any other way.”

Roman grinned. “Perfect,” he said. “Well, I will now be heading down into the Commons. I’m hoping to convince Pat to bake brownies-”

“You convinced him to make you cookies two nights ago.”

“And?” Roman asked with a raised eyebrow and Logan, after considering for a minute, nodded in agreement. “Exactly! So, will you be joining me?”

“Perhaps later,” Logan said. “I do have some things I need to finish up in my room, so I’ll be taking my leave.”

“Then I thank you for gracing my room with your presence!”

Before Logan could step out of Roman’s room, his hand on the door knob, he looked back over his shoulder. “I meant what I said, Roman,” he said. “About you being our prince. We all need a break from reality every now and again. So, thank you.”

Roman grinned and cocked his head. “Everyone needs a Prince Charming.”

“That’s true,” Logan said, “And sometimes, we need a Prince Roman.”

At that, and at Roman’s very red cheeks, Logan let Roman’s door close behind him.

Logan realized that the question to why he went to Roman’s door was never difficult to answer in the first place.

He just had to open his mind up a bit more.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!!! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!!
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


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